How Comparison Increases Impostor Syndrome
I keep trying; but no matter how hard I try, I’m not getting the results that I want, or the results that I feel like my peers are getting.
There are definitions online of what impostor syndrome means. And yet, many seem to have slightly varying interpretations. I have learned this, because I ask each and every person I interview what impostor syndrome means to them.
Like each interviewee before him, Armando Porras, a Senior Consultant for Deloitte, has a definition that is just as unique as the rest.
“The feeling of not being good enough, relative to peers, in a role or position; the feeling of not belonging because you’re not good enough to do the job.”
I got really caught up in his inclusion of the phrase “relative to peers”. Though many previous interviewees have alluded to experiencing impostor syndrome due to comparison, none have actually included it within their definition.
Believe me, I get it. I have had my share of impostor syndrome because I compared myself to others. These days, you won’t find many social media apps on my phone. I always found myself comparing. It was shallow, unproductive, and destructive.
Similarly, comparisons of ourselves in our professional lives can cause the same level of angst. Armando has learned this the hard way.
“The line gets blurred a lot for deficiencies in myself, whether its experience deficiencies, knowledge deficiencies, or gaps in comparison to other people. Because at the end of the day impostor syndrome isn’t just about you, it’s about the way you compare yourself to other people; how you compare up.”
The comparison and the impostor syndrome hit him hard in his first career after graduation. Before getting into consulting, Armando was a high school teacher for an inner-city school in Houston. Although he “rocked it” in his student teaching and job interviews, he had a rude awakening when he started his first full-time role. He couldn’t figure out why everyone else was seeing the success that he couldn’t seem to find.
“I’m doing everything that I’ve been taught. I’m doing things that work in other places, and it’s just not working. I see how other teachers around me are still having good success, so I am the problem. The problem is definitely within me. I don’t belong here because I’m just not good enough. I keep trying; but no matter how hard I try, I’m not getting the results that I want, or the results that I feel like my peers are getting.”
Even though this impostor syndrome stayed with him throughout his teaching career, and followed him into consulting, he came to see that he was not alone. Many people that he interacted with experienced some level of impostor syndrome. He knew this, because he got involved with mentorship programs, and the topic would often come up.
He was most surprised when he learned that a mentor of his, a Senior Manager (nearly a Partner), still experienced impostor syndrome. This individual provided strategies to Fortune 500 companies, and larger. His influence impacted millions and billions of dollars. Yet, he still felt like a fraud from time to time.
This mentor imparted wisdom to Armando, which has since helped to mitigate the impostor syndrome that he feels.
“We’ve been trusted with value. We have valuable knowledge and skillsets, so we need to trust in ourselves, because we do bring value. And that’s measurable. It took me a while to feel comfortable saying that ‘I’m an expert’ when I didn’t feel like I was. But I was able to trust in myself and skills to push through.”
This mentor was wise and kind enough to show Armando that to overcome impostor syndrome, we should not be looking outward to what others think, say, or do. Instead, we should be looking inward to what we think, say, or do. We can put trust in our own experiences and abilities to get ourselves through the times when we are feeling like a fraud.
There will be times in our lives when we still don’t feel like we are enough. In these times, be like Armando. Seek out mentors and leaders that can keep you balanced, impart wisdom, and help you get out of your own way as you progress in your career and personal life. There is comfort in learning from those who helped pave the way before you. You can learn which mistakes to avoid. And if you have the right mentor, you may even learn about their own experiences with impostor syndrome.
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