Counter-Offers: When to Accept and When to Move On
Accepting or rejecting a counter-offer is nuanced. In one situation, accepting the counter-offer makes sense. In another situation, it would be a mistake. The decision should be case-by-case.
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I took my boss to lunch. He and I were really close. He harassed me in a way that an older brother harasses a younger brother. It was brutal, but never offensive. I could tell that he cared about me. I had great respect for him because of this.
However, I was not feeling satisfaction in my career path. I wanted to try something new. Despite the positive trajectory I was on with my current employer, the great friends I had surrounded myself with, and the respect I had gained from my clients after years of serving them well, I just could not see myself working in that specific industry any longer.
I owed it to my boss to give him my “two weeks notice” face-to-face. I also wanted to give him context as to why I was leaving.
It was a blow.
He respected my decision, but he was upset by it. He asked if he could counter. I refused. The money wasn’t the issue.
Over the next few days, I met with several other partners from the firm where I worked. They, too, asked if they could counter. They told me to give them my demands and they would take them into consideration.
To be honest, this intrigued me. I gave it serious consideration. I sat down and listed out the items that I would need for me to feel like it was worth it for me to stay. I then presented the list to my employer.
After consideration, they came back with their counter-offer. It partially met my needs, but not all of them.
In full transparency, it was a fair counter-offer. They didn’t take advantage of me. I had given them a pretty incredible list of demands. But when I reviewed the terms of the counter, I realized one thing:
I would regret staying on a career path that did not bring me joy, and I would always wonder: “What if I had taken that new career path…”.
The reason for me looking externally for a new job would never be resolved by accepting the counter. I would face the same frustration in my role for the rest of my life if I stayed.
So I left.
Should I Stay or Should I Go? Well…It’s Nuanced.
If you search this question on Google, you will find a series of ‘doom and gloom’ articles that tell you to never accept a counter-offer. Their reasoning? The company countered only to keep you long enough for them to find a replacement, at which point they will let you go. In this way, they never have to experience a lag in production from your role.
Although this may happen, it feels like these articles are using ‘rage-bait’ to get likes, shares, and viewership. This scenario has a very depressing outlook on life, and one that I believe is far from the actual truth of most scenarios.
I spoke with Todd Blaquiere, a current VP of Product, and a recent business leader consultant. If his name sounds familiar, you may recognize him from a post about “Impostor Syndrome” that we made earlier this year.
Todd had many great points to share.
I.
If your manager is the type of person that offers you a counter for the sake of retaining you long enough to replace you, and you accept their counter-offer, then you need to get better at recognizing bad managers.
I LOVED this phrase. I won’t lie, I truly laughed out loud when he said it. It was so simple, straight-forward, and unapologetic. It reminds employees that they are not always the victim. They, too, share responsibility of how their career shakes out.
II.
Much of our careers are relationship-based. There are many bad managers out there. But there are also many good ones. If you have a solid relationship with your boss based on trust, then accepting a counter-offer won’t hurt your career path, so long as you both come to the table with an open mind and willingness to work together to meet each other’s needs.
I think trust and working together are the key points from this statement. If both you and your boss can walk away from the negotiation feeling like you both won, and it was a ‘team’ effort, the chances of a successful counter-offer are high. But, if either party feels like the other won at their expense, things may quickly sour.
III.
If a counter-offer does not satisfy the reasons that had caused you to look externally, then accepting the offer may not be the best decision.
If you have one or two reasons for leaving a company (i.e. higher pay and/or a title change), this may be easier for your company to match. In this scenario, accepting a counter-offer may make more sense.
If there are multiple reasons (i.e. higher pay, title change, toxic culture, the work is not exciting), then a counter-offer may not resolve all of your concerns.
You need to realize that if you accept the counter-offer, you will likely continue to face many of the same frustrations that you previously experienced. In this scenario, rejecting the counter-offer and leaving the company may be the better option.
IV.
If all of your needs are addressed and met within the counter-offer, there is a higher risk for you to reject the offer and start at a new company.
In the event that a counter-offer meets your needs, you may still choose to reject the counter-offer and leave the company. There is nothing wrong with this decision. You can make it work. But it does carry more risk.
At your current company, many of the ‘unknowns’ have become ‘knowns’ to you. You know what the culture is like. You know what the work ethic of each of your co-workers is like. You know the temperament and leadership style of your boss. You know your company processes. You know your customers. You know your product.
At the new company, these are all still ‘unknowns’. You risk that you end up working with co-workers that you don’t mesh with very well. Your manager may have a leadership style that you don’t like. The processes may not be very well put together, and it may cause you more effort to complete your work. You may have a difficult customer that is very frustrating to deal with.
When all is equal, accepting the counter-offer may lower your risk.
V.
Where possible, decouple emotion from the counter-offer process. Emotions can cause a situation to feel personal, which can make the situation sour.
There is no absolute rule to determine if emotion will be involved or not. You need to determine what your relationship with your current manager is like. If your manager is just a cog in a large wheel, there is a good chance that she or he will not have an emotional attachment to the company. Your manager may view your willingness to negotiate as a prudent business practice.
However, if your manager has more personal attachment with the company, such as being an owner, having been an early employee of the company, or simply having been with the company for most of his or her career, then there is a chance that your boss may react emotionally to your request.
If emotion is involved, accepting a counter-offer is certainly not off the table. But, you must gauge how personally your manager is taking your decision to leave the company. You don’t want to continue working for someone who feels betrayed by you. Use your best judgment. Keep emotion out of your own decision as best as you can.
Accept, or Not Accept? That is the Question!
At the end of the day, you need to make a decision. No one can make that decision for you. No random stranger on the internet, no matter how good their writing is, can make that decision for you.
However, you may consider accepting the counter-offer if:
You feel trust with your manager.
You feel the negotiations have been fair.
The problems that led you to look for an external job will be resolved with the counter-offer.
You may consider rejecting the counter-offer and accepting the offer from your prospective new employer if:
You don’t feel you can trust your manager.
You don’t feel negotiations were fair.
The problems that led you to look for an external job are not resolved with the counter-offer.
Emotions have become too intertwined with the negotiation process.
Remove emotion from your decision. Think through the offer from your prospective employer and compare it to the counter-offer of your current employer. Make the decision that makes the most sense to you. Once you have made that decision, be respectful when you decline either offer, and then give your best effort to whomever you have selected to move forward with. Let your work prove that you deserve what ever offer you were extended.
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