Assume Positive Intent
When comments, ideas, or suggestions are provided to you, assume that the person means well. Most people are kind, and want to genuinely help. It is pretty easy to identify the trolls.
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I don’t remember any company values for any of the companies I previously worked for, except for 2. One of them has been pretty transformative for me: “Assume Positive Intent”.
Years ago I trained really hard for a half-marathon. When the day of the race came, I pushed through discomfort and ran the best race of my life. I got a new personal best time. I took 18th place overall, and 1st in my age division. There had been nearly 1,000 racers complete the race, so I was very satisfied with myself.
The following Monday we had a monthly company-wide meeting. As part of the meeting, they asked if anyone had any exciting news to share. I had participated in 12+ half-marathons by this time, so I did not generally feel the need to share my results publicly. But I was very satisfied with myself, so I decided to share my results.
When I said that I took 1st in my age group, someone made the comment, “How many were in your age group? Just you?”. Several individuals, including leadership, started laughing at that comment.
It made me feel very uncomfortable, unappreciated, and small. I stopped offering personal details in these calls after that moment. I had been vulnerable, yet the way it was received felt personal.
If I Knew Then, What I Know Now
After that experience, I joined a different company. It was at this time that I was introduced to the concept of “assume positive intent”.
I wish I had that mindset previously. Had that been the case, I may have chosen not to feel offended at the comments and responses I received. I may have realized that the comment came from an individual that is always sarcastic. As of this writing, I truly believe that the commenter did not intend to belittle, offend, or attack me. They were just acting how they act with everyone else. But, instead of considering that this may have been a non-targeted sarcastic comment, I chose to assume it was a personal attack.
Having that view point soured my outlook. I voluntarily carried the trauma and its associated baggage around for a while. It was an unnecessary weight that I bore. Honestly, I wish I had acted differently, rather than played the silent victim. Don’t be like me. Assume positive intent. If someone truly means you harm, you’ll know. If you are struggling to understand if someone intentionally means to hurt you, then use Mark Smith’s proprietary guide to help you out.
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